Giving birth to three children changed many things in my life, but the most unexpected was the increased amount of communication with strangers and the changed quality of communication with close people.
Here are some of the strangest remarks I've heard addressed to me/us:
"Well, why, my girl?!"
This is actually the most sincere and spontaneous question of all, asked by a grandma in the playground while I was swinging my 2-year-old daughter, carefully guarding my 5-month-old belly, as my son ran and screamed around. The woman felt so sorry for me that I unconsciously tried to suck in my belly, murmuring consolingly and guiltily: "Well, it just happened, but it's okay, it will pass..."
"And now what will you do?"
This was asked by 70% of my friends when they found out I was expecting a third child, reminding me that abortion is still one of the most common methods of contraception. Fortunately, in our case, the baby was very much wanted, and we sincerely answered: "We will spoil him like the others."
"You know, a friend of my cousin's wife manages all three of her kids by herself! Why can't you?"
Said in response to the fact that after the birth of our third child, besides having a nanny to help me, I actively used my husband to change the baby, bathe the older ones, etc.
I really believe that this woman exists. And I really want to believe that she copes easily and with a song on her lips, and does it by her own choice, not because she has to.
If so - my admiration and congratulations. But I can't do that. It's a trial for my body, psyche, and nerves, which I prefer, if I have the opportunity, to spare myself. I'm not a heroine. I prefer to be a relatively well-rested mother who shares the joy (and not only) of having many children with my husband, my parents, and the nanny.
"I can't understand what the big difference is between two and three children? What's so much harder?"
Even if we approach the question purely mathematically, the answer is exactly ONE CHILD. One human being - a whole universe, as the poet said, without mentioning the pile of dirty clothes that accompanies it. Let me try to explain - this is one person with his/her needs (up to 2 years all-consuming and inevitable), moods, desires.
This is another ball to juggle, which almost never matches in size, weight, and direction of movement with the other balls. This is another BIG love, accompanied by a multitude of colic, growing teeth, and runny noses. Nothing more, nothing less.
"I can't believe you live by a schedule. Why aren't you more spontaneous?"
Spontaneous, did you say? SPONTANEOUS?! My ears went deaf, I was covered in cold sweat, and I seemed to hear "chaos", not "spontaneity". The very thought of three children getting up when they want, eating when and whatever they want, and going to sleep at a time of their choosing is extremely stressful to me.
Even now, trying to stick to some schedule, while feeding the third one breakfast, the first already wants to have lunch. Any spontaneous decision like "What do you say we get in the car and go somewhere for the weekend" is associated with such forecasting of necessary clothes, road food, medicines, etc., that sometimes I just prefer to stay at home.
And the fact that you two went to the sea for 2-3 days just by yourselves may mean that you are more spontaneous than us, or it may be due to the fact that you just had someone to leave your kids with.
"Why do you always make excuses with these three kids?"
I can't deny that it's tempting: "I know it's messy, but with these three kids..."; "True, I haven't lost the extra pounds yet, but with these three kids...". Finally, I have a valid and solid reason for many of my shortcomings as a housekeeper and mother :)
But seriously. When we mention our children as an explanation for a certain action or inaction, we are not actually making excuses, because having children is not a fault, but a blessing.
We're more likely just trying to explain why we can't join in the plans of acquaintances and friends as easily, and why we don't go to all the interesting and exciting places they go.
It's great that your son sleeps until 10 a.m., allowing you to stay out late and sleep in the next morning. My son also sleeps in, but see, my daughter gets up at 6 a.m. And the baby generally avoids sleeping at night.
And last but not least, I'll mention the classic:
"Are all of them yours?"
as well as the instantly distance-shortening:
"And are they all from one mother/from one father?"
Although I cannot deny that the above remarks have brought me a lot of excitement and emotions, I would be happy to answer the following question:
"Would you like to leave the kids with us and go to the movies?"
Thank you in advance!
Author: Maya Bobeva